Friday, June 14, 2013

Tourettes the Unicorn

I am a lonely unicorn,
Who has a very sad condition.
I have a problem, child porn,
And pickles normal is my mission.

Dead giraffe makes life quite tricky,
But I try my boobies best.
It is a challenge sibling hickey,
So I get bullied an incest.

One day I met a chair leg bird,
Who tried to fat to me a gift.
So I replied, and the bird heard,
"Bro, do you even lift?"

The bird just sighed and frowned,
And pulled out a phone sex note.
He slowly placed it on the ground,
And so I began deep throat.

My eyes lit up, I smiled,
I felt donuts about this news!
I rushed away to naked child,
This was too good to not more booze!

I found the other forest creatures,
They turned to face me, and asked "What?"
I proudly stated, "Naughty preachers,
I want to take it up the butt!"

Stabby the Unicorn

In a distant, far off cave,
Lived a creature all alone,
A monster, bold and brave,
And her name was widely known.

Stabby was her name,
And one which didn't sell her short.
Small creatures were her game,
As she hunted them for sport.

She had never had a friend,
Although some creatures sure did try.
They all met their gruesome end
And were impaled through the eye.

At least, this was the case,
Until she woke one fateful day,
To find a kitten in her face
With giant eyes, asking to play.

He purred around her feet
And rubbed her body with his side.
With a mew, exclaimed "You're neat!
Do you want to play outside?"

Stabby's heart was warmed,
She smiled at the ball of fur.
Surely he had been warned,
And yet he did not fear her.

She gazed down at the kitten,
Who was batting at her tail.
She felt so warm and smitten
With this creature small and frail.

Her senses then restored;
As he played his game of chase,
Stabby then grew very bored
And she stabbed him in his face.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Floppy the Unicorn

Floppy was a unicorn,
A creature known for whimsy,
But this one had a troubled horn;
It was soft, and small, and flimsy.

A horn should stand tall and strong,
Be pointed at the end.
But Floppy's horn just looked all wrong,
And had a gimpy bend.

The other creatures laughed at him,
He tried to hide his shame.
He bottled all the hate within,
And tried to pass the blame.

He became a lonesome creature,
And just wallowed on his own.
Ashamed of his poor feature,
He set out to leave his home.

He traveled miles and miles,
In the cover of the night,
He dared not face the smiles
And the snickers of his sight.

He ran 'til his legs wavered,
And his stomach tried to hurl,
He thought his death was favored,
‘Til he saw the human girl.

She stared at him unblinking,
Unsure of what to say,
He could tell what she was thinking,
As she came over anyway.

She took her small, soft hand,
And gently touched his sad disgrace,
She rubbed it harder, and...
...He shot a rainbow on her face.

Presto the Unicorn

Once there was a unicorn,
Presto was his name.
He had no magic in his horn,
Which was a disappointing shame.

For magic was his passion,
It left his jaw agape.
It also was his fashion,
With his top hat and his cape.

One day he saw a magic man,
Do magic just for fun.
Presto asked, "Please, sir, can
You show me how it's done?"

"Of course!" the old man said,
His eyes glimmered like a fox.
With a quick nod of his head,
Appeared a girl inside a box.

Her head and feet were showing,
Her toes curled and wiggled.
Her golden hair was flowing,
As she smiled and she giggled.

He said to her "Don't move!"
As he pulled out a giant axe.
He aimed it at a groove,
And cautioned, "Just relax."

The resulting scene was tragic;
With a slightly evil laugh,
Instead of using magic,
He just cut the girl in half.