tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50643348756925872222023-11-15T08:33:15.658-08:00The Saga of the Aptly Named UnicornsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08266433581372880358noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064334875692587222.post-25179776990608517222013-06-14T11:10:00.001-07:002013-06-14T11:12:32.459-07:00Tourettes the Unicorn<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am a lonely unicorn,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who has a very sad condition.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a problem, <strong><span style="font-size: large;">child porn,</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And <strong><span style="font-size: large;">pickles</span></strong> normal is my mission.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Dead giraffe</span></strong> makes life quite tricky,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I try my <strong><span style="font-size: large;">boobies</span></strong> best.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is a challenge <strong><span style="font-size: large;">sibling hickey,</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I get bullied an <strong><span style="font-size: large;">incest.</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day I met a <strong><span style="font-size: large;">chair leg</span></strong> bird,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who tried to <strong><span style="font-size: large;">fat</span></strong> to me a gift.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I replied, and the bird heard,</span></div>
<div>
<strong><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Bro, do you even lift?"</span></strong></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bird just sighed and frowned,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And pulled out a <strong><span style="font-size: large;">phone sex</span></strong> note.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He slowly placed it on the ground,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I began <strong><span style="font-size: large;">deep throat.</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My eyes lit up, I smiled,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I felt <strong><span style="font-size: large;">donuts</span></strong> about this news!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I rushed away to <strong><span style="font-size: large;">naked child,</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This was too good to not <strong><span style="font-size: large;">more booze!</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I found the other forest creatures,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They turned to face me, and asked "What?"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I proudly stated, <span style="font-size: large;">"<strong>Naughty preachers,</strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<strong><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I want to take it up the butt!"</span></strong></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08266433581372880358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064334875692587222.post-85083995350870765362013-06-14T09:56:00.001-07:002013-06-14T12:13:55.742-07:00Stabby the Unicorn<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In a distant, far off cave,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lived a creature all alone,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A monster, bold and brave,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And her name was widely known.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stabby was her name,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And one which didn't sell her short.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Small creatures were her game,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As she hunted them for sport.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She had never had a friend,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Although some creatures sure did try.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They all met their gruesome end</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And were impaled through the eye.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At least, this was the case,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Until she woke one fateful day,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To find a kitten in her face</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With giant eyes, asking to play.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He purred around her feet</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And rubbed her body with his side.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With a mew, exclaimed "You're neat!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do you want to play outside?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stabby's heart was warmed,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She smiled at the ball of fur.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Surely he had been warned,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet he did not fear her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She gazed down at the kitten,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who was batting at her tail.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She felt so warm and smitten</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With this creature small and frail.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Her senses then restored;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As he played his game of chase,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stabby then grew very bored</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And she stabbed him in his face.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08266433581372880358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064334875692587222.post-67413916342843807142012-07-12T17:57:00.006-07:002013-06-14T10:05:07.491-07:00Floppy the Unicorn<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Floppy was a unicorn,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">A creature known for whimsy,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">But this one had a troubled horn;</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It was soft, and small, and flimsy.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">A horn should stand tall and strong,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Be pointed at the end.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">But Floppy's horn just looked all wrong,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And had a gimpy bend.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The other creatures laughed at him,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He tried to hide his shame.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He bottled all the hate within,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And tried to pass the blame.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He became a lonesome creature, </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And just wallowed on his own.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Ashamed of his poor feature,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He set out to leave his home.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He traveled miles and miles, </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">In the cover of the night,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He dared not face the smiles</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And the snickers of his sight.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He ran 'til his legs wavered,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And his stomach tried to hurl,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He thought his death was favored,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">‘Til he saw the human girl.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">She stared at him unblinking,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Unsure of what to say,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He could tell what she was thinking,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">As she came over anyway.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">She took her small, soft hand,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And gently touched his sad disgrace,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">She rubbed it harder, and...</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">...He shot a rainbow on her face.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08266433581372880358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5064334875692587222.post-17712042408950126722012-07-12T17:28:00.001-07:002013-06-14T10:06:17.956-07:00Presto the Unicorn<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Once there was a unicorn,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Presto was his name.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He had no magic in his horn,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Which was a disappointing shame.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">For magic was his passion,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It left his jaw agape.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It also was his fashion,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">With his top hat and his cape.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">One day he saw a magic man,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Do magic just for fun.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Presto asked, "Please, sir, can</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">You show me how it's done?"</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">"Of course!" the old man said,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">His eyes glimmered like a fox.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">With a quick nod of his head,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Appeared a girl inside a box.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Her head and feet were showing,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Her toes curled and wiggled.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Her golden hair was flowing,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">As she smiled and she giggled.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He said to her "Don't move!"</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">As he pulled out a giant axe.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">He aimed it at a groove,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And cautioned, "Just relax."</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The resulting scene was tragic;</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">With a slightly evil laugh, </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Instead of using magic,</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">He just cut the girl in half.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08266433581372880358noreply@blogger.com0